Thinking on today’s lessons, my mind naturally went to that sage biblical writer Joan Rivers. Joan had once uttered the following: “Why bother house cleaning? I mean you wash, you scrub, you dust, you pick up, you vacuum, and all that, and what happens? Six months later you have to do it all over again”. While not in that category, I will also freely admit that I am not the best housekeeper. Now the EPA is not going to come to my house and declare it a superfund site, but Better Homes and Gardens will not be putting me on its cover at any point in the future.

There is one time when my attitude towards housekeeping changes, and that is when I know I have guests coming. I then transform into an amalgam of Donna Reed, Mrs. Cleaver, and Felix Unger. No spot shall have dust on it, no dishes shall be seen in the sink. The floor shall be polished, the dogs washed, and all extraneous items shall be shoved in a closet far away from prying eyes. I may live like a quasi-slob, but no one will ever see that fact.

I know I’m not alone in this. We all know the stories of the people who clean their house before the housekeeper comes because, “Well, we can’t let that housekeeper see how we REALLY live, can we?” We want to put on our best appearance for guests, make an impression upon those passing over our threshold about our lives and lifestyles. We are driven to clean because we know that we will be judged, even by those closest to us, and we want that judgment to be favorable.

Today’s readings tell us that we will have a visitor coming. We are being given advance notice that we will be visited, that a new person will be in our lives. He will not just knock on our door one day and apologize for not giving us a call. We are being told that he will be coming, and that we have time to get ready.

All that is well and good, but it leaves me with a fundamental question. How do we tidy up for this guest? While I am sure Jesus will appreciate the lemony smell of my furniture polish, I can’t see someone who was born in a stable putting a lot of weight in immaculate housekeeping. While I’m sure that a fisherman also loves a good crab puff, he also had a cousin that ate locusts and wild honey, so he probably is not very much into haute cuisine.

No, we have to rethink our ideas of how to prepare for our houseguest. Luckily, there is an item on the market that will help us out. It’s called “Honest John’s Advent Cleaning Solution” and it helps in all your preparations to welcome the Christ child. Let’s read some of the directions.
Use liberally on any grudges you might be harboring. This formula contains the active power of forgiveness. With enough work, those grudges will be gone, leaving room for such things as peace and calm in your life.

Add some of this solution to water and pour it over any anger you might have in your life. With enough applications, you can wash away that anger and remove the toxins that the anger carries with it.

Apply to stuck doors and begin working them open. Works especially well on doors that allow you to see new ideas, new vistas, and other points of view. Once those doors are open, you can use the bottle to prop it open and watch those pre-conceived notions fade away.

Gets rid of that film on your mirror. You know that film I’m talking about. The one that distorts our view of ourselves and others in our lives. Just spray some of Honest John’s formula on it and watch that film melt away. Caution: Once clean, that mirror may require quite a long time of, pardon the pun, reflection.

Use on your glasses. Helps us see what really should matter in our lives, and it is not getting the last Nintendo Wii at the mall.

Honest John’s is so good, it can even be used in the bath. Matter of fact, one guy who uses it does a lot of work in water, so you know it has to be safe. Pour some in your bathwater and feel the strain of sin melt away. Don’t think you have time to have a bath when you have houseguests coming? Believe me, you have time for this bath.

Now I have to tell you that this product may have side effects. You may find yourself wanting to say ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of ‘Happy Holidays’. You may find yourself questioning the modern perception of Christmas. You might even offend some friends, who would accuse you of being, gasp, religious.

Use as directed, however, and we will have created the perfect welcoming environment for this infant guest of ours.

Now, you may be asking me how much you have to spend to get your very own bottle of Honest John’s Advent Cleaning Solution. As much as we hate to admit it, the guy selling it has been accused by some as, well, not getting a full dunk in the Jordan if you catch my drift. He’s giving away his solution to anyone who wants it, free of charge. All you have to do it promise to use it to it’s full potential, which means using it not just for Advent, but the whole year round. Don’t worry, refills are free, too.

As I go through the house, cleaning for the guests to arrive, I am promising myself to use Honest John’s formula. I am promising myself that I will keep the true meaning of Christmas in my heart and in my words, even when I am on Amazon.com for the 5th time buying last minute gifts. I am promising myself that I will make every effort to prepare myself for Christ’s arrival, and all the promise that it holds.

Honest John is going to help me in that. How? He has a very catchy slogan for his product. Yeah, I know, he doesn’t seem like the ad man type. But honestly, it is catchy…so catchy that even a Broadway play used it.
That slogan? “Prepare ye the way of the Lord”

AMEN,
Michael Gow